An Open Letter of Apology to My Stalker.

I Didn’t Realize that my Failure to Feel Victimized was Oppressing You.

I find myself in the weird position of maybe having to apologize to you (my lame-a$$ed stalker). This is my very first time dealing with a stalker who actively complains when their intended victim (in this case…me) refuses to respond as a stalker intends by:

• Failing to feel victimized
• Responding repeatedly to numerous (but rather weak) efforts to harass and insult me rather than “ignoring a stalker, like a sane person”.
• Doing a decidedly better job of throwing insults. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (It’s a talent).
• Amusing thousands of people with my responses at your expense.

I mean… You’re actually complaining that I keep responding to your bungling efforts? Really? What kind of basic b!tch pulls that weak-a$$ed move?

Look, was it wrong of me to blame your mother/auntie for marrying her brother? Yes. It was wrong. (It might be true… but it was rude of me to raise it since your innumerable problems and vast social awkwardness can’t be blamed on your parents). That was unfair and I apologize unreservedly to your mother/auntie, uncle/dad.