An Open Letter of Apology to My Stalker.

I Didn’t Realize that my Failure to Feel Victimized was Oppressing You.

I find myself in the weird position of maybe having to apologize to you (my lame-a$$ed stalker). This is my very first time dealing with a stalker who actively complains when their intended victim (in this case…me) refuses to respond as a stalker intends by:

• Failing to feel victimized
• Responding repeatedly to numerous (but rather weak) efforts to harass and insult me rather than “ignoring a stalker, like a sane person”.
• Doing a decidedly better job of throwing insults. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (It’s a talent).
• Amusing thousands of people with my responses at your expense.

I mean… You’re actually complaining that I keep responding to your bungling efforts? Really? What kind of basic b!tch pulls that weak-a$$ed move?

Look, was it wrong of me to blame your mother/auntie for marrying her brother? Yes. It was wrong. (It might be true… but it was rude of me to raise it since your innumerable problems and vast social awkwardness can’t be blamed on your parents). That was unfair and I apologize unreservedly to your mother/auntie, uncle/dad.

Was it wrong of me to slap you with the label of ‘small-peenered-pillock’? No. I stand by that one as being completely factual.

Am I wrong to have publicly posted a few posts about the abject stupidity of your dozens of attempts to plague me as opposed to ‘suffering in silence like a good victim should?

Of course not.

I’m not your victim.

I’m just your unwilling target.

Presumably, you’re getting confused about this works. If you left me the hell alone, you wouldn’t be getting your feelings hurt. I understand that you want to whine about my posts and articles (that make fun of you and your incompetent efforts) so I’ll state for the record: If you can’t handle the clap-back heat, you need to get out of the stalking kitchen. Your lack of professionalism when it comes to stalking is another black mark on your service record.

Was my apology half-a$$ed at best? Yes.

Am I sorry about that? No.

But will I be sorry about that tomorrow? Still no.

I’ve had multiple offers to stalk me by far better qualified people in the last few days, to the point that I’ve created a ticketing system. Either sort your sh!t out or I’ll be forced to let you go at the end of the week.