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A Complaint Letter to my Stalker.
Get Bent, You Small-Peenered Pillock.
Dear, Stalker. (Heh — *deer stalker* #puns).
I’m writing to inform you that I’m exceptionally unhappy with your stalking services. If someone is going to stalk me, at a minimum, I expect them to at least spell ‘hate’ correctly. Setting up a hate group and misspelling ‘hate’ is an unforgivable error and is making your service appear decidedly amateurish.
Where’s the work ethic? Where’s the attention to detail?
While the 11 profiles you’ve created to harass me show persistence, the calibre of work under each of them is substandard. At least ask your Mum to proofread your efforts. She’s just a shout away from the basement where you dwell.
Your repeated requests that ‘I die’ are rejected. Your awful spelling and grammar (while atrocious) are not enough to actually kill me, only irritate or exasperate me. I expect more from my stalkers than unenthusiastic death threats and lacklustre insults. Not even ALL CAPS is enough to hide how clumsy and ham-fisted your blundering efforts are.
